I certainly wasn’t expecting much from The Smurfs movie, but thought it would be good to take the kids to. And, it was fine to kill a couple of hours. But, it certainly wasn’t a special movie. Shit, it wasn’t even a “good” kids movie.
And, I like Neil Patrick Harris. But, 90 minutes of hearing “smurf” in the place of just about every adjective in the movie was just too smurfing much! (See. It’s fucking aggravating, isn’t it!?)
Blah.
Cheap excuse to include Devo in a post!
Whip it real good!
Couldn’t help singing Devo.
In reality, the post is about Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut with the roller derby movie “Whip It,” starring Ellen Page. I’ve been a fan of Drew Barrymore for as long as I can remember. I had remembered being interested in seeing her first feature as a director. But, like many things, I got busy, and never got around to it.
It’s a fun movie. It’s exactly what I thought it was going to be.
It’s got Drew’s fingerprints all over it of course. But, it also has fun characters performed by some great people.
Like the rest of the world, I have quickly become a fan of Ellen Page, from the moment I saw her in Juno. She didn’t disappoint me in “Whip It.” And, that was just the tip of the iceberg on great people. Juliette Lewis (who is great in everything), Jimmy Fallon (funny man – playing a great character), and Zoe Bell. Zoe Bell is a fucking fantastic stunt woman & was in by far one of the best action sequences ever filmed in “Death Proof.” If you have seen any Tarantino flick since Kill Bill (she was the Bride’s stunt double), you have seen her work. She also appears to have a great onscreen presence & personality. I’m pretty sure she is just being herself. And, she’s pretty fucking funny.
Add in some fun roller derby scenes. Some partying. Some underwater loving. Yup, fun fucking movie. Good times.
Part of a viral campaign for Limitless
Another, pretty good movie. I liked the concept of it. How great would that drug be – you know, minus the horrid side effects… like death.
But, there were definitely some large holes. And, I’m not talking about the usual sci-fi suspend disbelief holes. I’m talking about the NYPD being the most inept police department on the planet. Who calls in a murder, is discovered at the scene, and is allowed to leave w tons of cash in large crisp bills & a bag with a LOT of drugs in it? And, then that same person is involved with a murder of three other known criminals & it’s just chalked up to the mistaken identity? I mean… really?
But, aside from those kinds of things… the movie was actually a pretty fun ride. I loved the use of colors to depict when he was on the drug & when he wasn’t. I loved the psychadelic effects illustrated throughout.
The ending… blah. But, I enjoyed the movie nonetheless.
I finally got around to watching “The Haunting in Connecticut.”
I remember seeing this poster in theaters & ads and wondering what the fuck was coming out of that kids mouth. Well, now, I know.
The movie wasn’t bad. In fact, it was pretty entertaining. I certainly jumped a few times and was kept guessing as to what was going on, or what was going to happen.
Loved the thought of what was left in the house… But, I’m certain someone would have gotten into the back room long before them. Even if the door was jammed.
At any rate, a fun psycho thriller.
Another blog-a-long… not sure this will happen for all of the 007 movies, they may turn into just notes as I am watching the movie (especially during the Lazenby error -word chosen specifically) – but, for now, we’ll see how this goes.
#2 – From Russia with Love – 1963 – Directed by Terence Young
MGM Lion – Immediately into the classic theme & bond shooting into the screen amidst a camera lens intro bleeding red… Did Dr. No have that? I can’t even remember.
Bond scampering in a well-sculpted garden complete with statues. There is someone either following or on patrol. The guard, steps on a branch alerting Bond to his prescence. The guard is a blond Eurpoean looking guy. Bond fires a shot no where near the him. Is Bond following or looking? The blonde gets the jump on Bond and begins to strangle & kill him. Lights come on the back of a large mansion with lots of people looking on. According to a boss man, it took “exactly 1 minute 56 seconds” to find and kill Bond. The boss felt that was “excellent,” and then leans down and pulls a mask off of the dead fellow, revealing that it was a training exercise. Clearly, they are looking to kill Bond. And, this European is meant to be the assassin.
Cut to this movies theme song… which is pretty much an elongated version of the true Bond theme. Still no pop stars submitting a theme song.
After the title sequence, we are presented with a chess match. It is clearly a championship of masters. There are many spectators and a large board indicating the pieces position on the board. One of the players is presented with a glass of water. Underneath, is a note that says “Your presence is required immediately.” The next move he makes, is for check mate.
You then see him on a ship. Elsewhere, on the ship. A man stroking his white cat and talking about Saimese fighting fish. Talking about how some of the breed wait for the fighters to fight it out. Once the surviovor is too exhausted he, like SPECTRE, attacks. It is revealed that the chess player, and a manly looking Russian woman are agents of SPECTRE. (Like Dr. No was the inspiration for Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, this woman is clearly the inspiration for Frau Farbissina in the same films.) The man stroking the cat is referred to as #1, the girl is #3, and the chess player is #5. They are setting a trap for the British Intellegence Association in an effort to kill James Bond in retalliation for the killing of Dr. No. The bait is a cryptography cypher.
The Rocky's - I'm quite certain that this will be the gayest image to ever grace my blog. But, you can't deny that they look alike.
Back to the Mansion. Blonde European completely reminds me of Rocky from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. (As a result, he will henseforth be called Rocky. His character is really named Donald Grant.) A beautiful woman, strips into her underwear (amazingly POINTY bra!), she kneels down to apply sunscreen to his back. #3 has arrived by helicopter and is looking for Rocky. They have a significant training area that they walk through. She finds him. He stands and presents himself, wrapped only in a towel. She walks around him inspecting him. Slips on brass knuckles, slugs him in the stomach, and deems him “fit enough.” She wants him to meet her in Istanbul.
Cut to (presumably Istanbul), a pretty blonde woman is navigating some alleyways looking for an address. She finds the address & Rocky is seen observing her. She knocks on the door and #3 answers. The pretty bonde introduces herself as from something security & her name is Tatiana Romanova. #3 asks if she knows who she is & is identified as Cournal Klebb head of Operations. Klebb tells her to take off her jacket & inspects her. There is some palpable lesbian tension as she tells her she is very good looking. Romanova is being assigned to give false information to the enemy. Asks her if she is willing to sleep with men that she is not in love with. Shows her a picture and says she must do whatever that man says. Threatens her with death if she fails. The duty is clearly to sleep with the man in the photo. The man is not revealed…
Scene cuts to Bond making out with a woman in a small row boat. He gets a page and has to make a phone call. (Mind you, it is 1963!) Walks to his car & the woman is beligerent. Whining that she hasn’t eaten yet. It is Moneypenny saying that M has been looking for him all day. He says he will be in 30 mins. The whining woman, Sylvia, gets annoyed and grabs the phone saying no he will not, that the last time he went into the office, he ended up going to Jamaica and that she hasn’t seen him in 6 months. (OH! This is the same woman Bond introduced himself to in Dr. No – with the first ever, “Bond. James Bond.”) Bond tells Moneypenny to “Make it an hour and a half.” He then begins to raise the canopy on the convertible so he can shag her in the car. Classic.
As he & M walk into M’s office, you hear Bond saying “But, I’ve never even heard of a Tatiana Romanova.” M & he joke that she has fallen in love from a photo. They know it is a trap, and the bait is a cypher machine called a “Lector.” Tatiana supposedly has it, and is willing to turn it over to the British Intellgenece on the condition that Bond goes to Istanbul and brings it & her back to England safely. Classic exchange – James: “But, what if when she meets me in the flesh, I don’t rise up to expecations?” M: “Hmmm… Just see that you do.” They call for Q to bring in the booby trapped briefcase that they are now issuing to all agents.
The first ever exchange between James & Moneypenny (despite them referencing their banter in Dr. No). She talks about having tried everything to get Bond. He tells her he never even looks at other women. He then signs the photo of Tatiana – “From Russia, with Love” & gives it to Moneypenny. Airport scene. Bond & driver have an exchange about lighters that is clearly pre-arranged to identify as the proper contacts. Just like the last movie, there is a seedy looking guy watching Bond and the exchange. Seedy guy gets into a car with a Middle Eastern looking guy. Rocky is in another car outside the airport watching both Bond, and his trailer. Bond notices the tailing car. The chauffeur says they are Balkans and they each spy on each other and make no bones about hiding that fact.
They arrive at a busy marketplace looking kind of place. They find a secret door and are introduced to a sharp dressed man, Kerim Bey, who was clearly just busy with a woman. They acknowledge that in the Balkans things are done differently & they make it easy for the Russians and each other to keep tabs on each other. He says that all of his key employees are his sons. The man says that this is a wild goose chase. Tells Bond he should spend a couple of pleasant days in Istanbul and then “go home.” Kerim doesn’t seem to be telling the whole truth, to me.
Cut to Rocky still following Bond. There is a man, not sure who, tied up in the back of his car. Bond checks into his hotel. Inspects his well appointed room while his theme song plays. Finds a bug behind the painting on the wall by the bed and in the phone. He wants a new room. He knows the hotel is in on the bugging. He agrees to evaluate the bridal suite.
Rocky pulls up to the Russian embassy. Leaves the vehicle and a guard finds the man in the back of the car. He is dead. He gets in another car that has Klebb in the back seat. She says “Good work. Who else can the Russians suspect besides the British.” I think it may have been the driver of Bond’s original tail. Not sure, but it’s also not really significant.
Cut back to Kerim’s room. He has a pretty woman whining that she wants sex. He reluctantly (because he was previously reading/working) embraces her and a bomb explodes outside of his room. Later, Bond shows up on scene. Kerim believes it is the Russians that tried to kill him. They go down to some water filled tunnels beneath the city. It used to be a reservoir “built by Constantine 1600 years ago.” They boat over to a place underneath the Russian consulate. They are using a periscope provided by the British navy, & secretly installed, to spy on a meeting room in the Russian consulate. There are quite a few men at the table. One is an assasin (Kolenko) that Kerim tells Bond to remember because he kills for pleasure. Then they see Tatiana’s legs. Bond admits he’d like to “see her in the flesh.” With a very horny sounding “Yesssssss” for punctuation.
Making up for the Rocky Pics... They gypsy girl fighters.
Kerim tells Bond he will set him up with some gypsy friends tonight because it will be safer than the hotel. He says that they had a car setup as a decoy with a couple of dummies in the back going the opposite way. But, upon arrival at the gypsy place, someone radios Kolenko, and a truck with armed men takes off. A hell of a sexy belly dancing scene is being observed gleefully by Bond. Meanwhile, the truck arrives and kills a guard. Rocky is also waiting in the wings. There are two girls who are fighting over the same men. The girls are going to fight. And the elders will decide who the victor is and who gets to marry the chief’s son. Good girl fight = sexy women in low cut tight blouses, & hiked up skirts so they are basically in panties, of course. Just as the fight gets good, Kolenko and his men show up firing. Kerim is shot in the arm by Kolenko in the firefight. Rocky takes position and waits. Bond is looking for Kolenko & saves the gypsy chief’s life. Rocky shoots a Russian as he comes upon Bond. Clearly, Rocky wants to kill Bond himself & on his terms.
The gypsy host thanks Bond for saving his life & he, in turn, asks the host to stop the girl fight. The man agrees to and says he will let Bond decide who should marry the son. The women are presented to Bond for the evening for his evaluation. Bond agrees that the decision will take time. He presumably sleeps with both. Good man.
Kerim & Bond find Kolenko’s hideout. Kerim sends two of his sons to ring the doorbell of the building Kolenko is in. The building has a giant billboard for a movie starring Bob Hope. Kolenko tries to escape from a secret window/door (in the mouth of the woman on the billboard). Kerim shoots & kills him as he tries to escape.
Tatiana Romanov... in the flesh
Back at Bond’s hotel room. He orders room service & smells something different as he enteres the bathroom. As he is undressing, he hears noises from out in his room, grabs a gun and investigates. He enters his bedroom to find Tatiana in his bed with the sheets up to her neck. Banter. She tell him her friends call her Tania. More banter that leads to them kissing. He asks about the Lector. She tells him it is at the consulate, and throws herself at him. There is a mirror above the headboard. The camera pans and reveals that it is a one way mirror, and Bond & Tatiana are being filmed. Scandalous! (Wonder if that is on the internet…)
The two of them are now in a tourist location where there is a rather loud tour guide. Bond sees that they are being tailed. Tatiana puts something on a column for Bond. But the tail, who is the seedy Balkan from the airport reaches for it first. Bond knocks him out and looks around to see who else might be around. Rocky comes out of the shadows and kills the Balkan. Bond is confused, but takes what she left for him. She left the blueprints of the Russian consulate.
Next, Bond & Tatiana meet on a ferry. He has a sweet double lens camera. But, it’s only disgusing a tape recorder. He interviews Tatiana about the Lector. Cut to M, men, & Moneypenny listening to the tape. They excuse Moneypenny because Tatiana keeps getting racy. They decided that the info she has given about the Lector is accurate & send Bond a message to go ahead with the deal. But, Bond gets a gleam in his eye and says they will tell Tatiana that they will steal it on the 14th.
On the 13th, Bond walks into the consulate, and his contact sets off a bomb creating confusion in the place. Bond begins searching for the Lector. He finds Tatiana & the Lector. He tells her it is only tear gas & they begin to escape with the Lector. They escape underneath the building into the tunnels meeting up with Kerim. And, then out onto the public streets & onto a train. Tatiana recognizes a Russian security member. Rocky is shown to be on the train. And the Russian security member jumps onto the train himself.
They get two cabins. Bond & Tatiana are in one. Kerim is in another. They discuss the plans to escape to England. He will have the train stopped just before the Balkan frontier where a car with more of his sons will be waiting. They will then head to an airport 20 miles away and fly to Athens before going to England. In the meantime, he & Bond capture the Russian security agent.
Rocky is still patrolling. Bond & Tatiana decide they have a couple of hours to kill. So… they fuck. A couple of hours later, James is itching to meet Kerim in the restaurant car, as planned. As they begin to head there, a conductor finds James & tells him there has been a terrible accident with his friend. Both the Russian security agent, and Kerim Bey are dead. Presented as if they killed each other. Clearly, Rocky has been busy. Next, we see the train pass by the waiting car. His sons jump back into the car to chase the train?
Bond confronts Tatiana. Tells her he knows she is being put up to this. She says she didn’t know that Kerim was to be killed. He slaps her. She cries saying she has truly fallen in love with him. (There are not enough movies with men slapping women anymore… oh wait, I guess that is a good thing.)
The train reaches a destination point. Bond is off the train & finds one of Karembe’s sons with the cigarette exchange that was done at the airport. He tells the son about his dad. Rocky watches the whole scene. Bond, thus far, is buying the story about them killing each other. Or maybe he sells that to the son to prevent retellation issues. He tells the son to send a wire to M to have another agent join them.
Another train stop. Rocky gets off the train and meets up with a man. They head to a restroom. Rocky comes out of the bathroom alone and meets up with James Bond. Rocky and James go through the cigarette/lighter exchange. Clearly, Rocky took out the English agent & is now pretending to be him. Rocky does his best English accent, but Bond knows something is up. He sends Rocky & Tatiana to the restaurant car ahead of him and looks through Rocky’s brief case verifying it is the same one that he now posesses.
Villains always want to talk too damned much
They meet in the restaurant car. During conversation, Rocky reveals that they will reach the border in an hour, spills some wine, and is seen drugging Tatiana’s glass. Bond sees it. He confronts Rocky. Rocky convinces him that he is legit & then begins explaining the escape plan on a map. Rocky gets the drop on Bond & knocks him out. He goes through his pockets and relieves him of all money and weapons. Bond wakes up, and they talk – Bond figures out that Rocky is an agent for SPECTRE & they have been playing the Russians & Brits against each other. Rocky reveals that the girl doesn’t realize she is working for SPECTRE, thinks she is working for “Mother Russia.” Rocky plans to kill both Bond and Tatiana. She will have the film of them fucking in her handbag. He will have a note on him that bribes him about going to the press with the film. And, it will look like they killed each other over the bribing.
Rocky is ready to kill him. Bond asks for a cigarette. Says he will buy them with the gold sovereigns in the bief case that Rocky doesn’t know about. Bond sets him up & Rocky inspects the other case for more gold. The booby trapped case explodes the tear gas in Rocky’s face. Fight ensues between the two cabins. Hand fight. Lots of broken glass, lunging, and grunting. It is really a good fight scene. Rocky starts pulling the wire from his watch to strangle Bond as he did in training. Bond gets hold of the knife in the loaded brief case and appears to kill Rocky. Then goes through and gets his stuff back from Rocky.
The train begins to slow. Bond tries to wake Tatiana. They get off the train & run into a field. The train pulls away & there is a man waiting for Rocky. Bond overtakes him, knocks him out and throws him in the cab of the car. Grabs Tania and throws her in the bed of the truck. In daylight now, they are drivin down a road & a yellow helicopter is waving them down and dive bombing them. Now they throw grenades. Bond stops the truck and runs up the hill to draw the chopper to him. It does and it keeps diving at him. He finally takes cover underneath a rock, and is able to get access to the rifle within his brief case. He fires, hitting a man in the arm, just before he can drop another grenade. The helicopter explodes. They drive to a small boat waiting for them & take off, still with the driver. And then he dumps him in the water.
Second time there is a camera angle from behind the #1 SPECTRE man. I almost mentioned it earlier. Because they are on a boat, they have a rocking camera that simulates the rocking of the ship. It’s annoying and instantly disorientating. At any rate, they are discussing the fact that “three men are dead,” including Rocky. He acknowledges that Bond is still alive, and they don’t have the Lector yet. He says that they have already negotiated the return of the Lector to the Russians & they always deliver what they promise. He has #5 killed because his plan has failed (with a venom that killed him in 14 seconds – they are very big on acknowledging how long death takes). He tells Klebb that she had better deliver.
Back to Bond & Tatiana on the boat. They are being chased by someone who is calling for Bond to pull over. They fire at him & puncture his barrels of gasoline. Bond immediately dumps them in the water & then fires a flare towards them. The gasoline ignites and all of the chasing boats are consumed in flames.
In Venice now, James & Tania are enjoying their time on a balcony. Klebb comes in disguised as a maid. Talk about being willing to get your hands dirty. She pulls a gun on Bond & Tania and then begins to order Romanava around. She tells her to take the Lector out of the room & begins to close the door. She takes too long to pull the trigger, and Tania attacks her, relieving her of the gun. However, she has the venom tipped shoes and tries to kill Bond in a handfight. Tatiana shoots & kills her.
Now they are passengers on a boat heading out of Venice. The movie ends as they kiss to the song “From Russia with Love.”
Interesting, they flash a “THE END” on the screen… and then that fades to – “Not quite the end. James Bond will be back next fall in Ian Flemming’s Goldfinger.”
______
Great film. I had forgotten how much I liked this one. It is really well done. It’s suspenseful & you are constantly wondering who is playing who.
This blog has some interesting production notes on the film. And, GQ has a post of their favorite Bond women of all time… which is well worth a perusal.
Bond Score Rating +4
I was really excited to see this. I hadn’t read any reviews or really knew what the film was about. I knew it featured major players involved with both “Saw” & “Paranormal Activity.” (I have still yet to watch a damned Saw film, but enjoyed Paranormal.) It had been recommended by two friends who had posted FB statuses that talked about how freaked out they were (& one was a guy). So, I bumped it to the top of my Netflix queue & had it in hand the day it was released on DVD and was set to really like it.
Right off the bat, they through me off though. The movie had a nice credit roll featuring great black and white scenes of the inside of a home. Some scenes appeared to be perfectly still. Others, had moving picture frames, footprints appearing & disappearing down a hallway. And, then a camera sweep is done over a boys room, things appear to be moving around, the camera goes out into the hallway, and it is a close up of a creepy old lady with a candle. And, then the title screen comes up flashing “INSIDIOUS” in your face to a cheap community halloween haunted house soundtrack.
Once the movie started, I forgot about the ridiculous title screen & got into the swing of the film. The film is focusing on a young family that just moved into the creepy house. The oldest son, Dalton, has a frightening experience in the attic, but he never shares exactly what frightened him so much. His parents simply think he was crying because he hurt himself during a fall. The next morning, he is in a coma that the doctors can’t explain.
Three months later, Dalton is still in a coma. And, it’s wearing on the family. The mother begins to see & hear things in the house. The father has a hard time dealing with it and is avoiding coming home. Creepy things ensue and the mother is convinced that the house is haunted and convinces the husband they need to move.
Once in the new house, there is what I found to be the creepiest scene in the movie. It was well executed, and completely fucked up. My hair literally stood on edge.
And then… I felt the wheels fell off. It took a “Poltergeist” path, that was unfortunately not very scary. And, at times downright silly. Not to say that it was all bad, in fact, there was a nice “Nosferatu” tribute in a dream sequence being retold by the grandmother. But, the demon chasing after Dalton reminded me way too much of Darth Maul. And, the story line just had some really large holes. (What horror film doesn’t?) And, they closed with that stupid-ass title screen and sound effect! Grrrr….
It’s an entertaining movie. I’ll probably watch it again at some point to see what I missed… or maybe with people to gauge their reactions. But, in the end, it wasn’t the homerun I was hoping for. This reviewer agreed with me. And, Pace J. Miller has a slightly more enthusiastic take.
Note: If you watch the film, make sure you watch all the credits for one final scene.
As if my Netflix queue wasn’t already full enough, I stumbled upon Pace J. Miller’s blog from a “Freshly Pressed” feature linking to his “20 Most Rewatchable Movies of All Time” post. After reading it through, and agreeing with many of his takes, I began adding movies I had not seen, “The Burbs” & “Minority Report”, for example. I also added several that I had copies of on VHS & simply needed to see again, like one of my all time favorites; “Reservoir Dogs.”
But, since the post had been a year old when it was “Freshly Pressed,” he went and added to the re-watchable list. (I am certain my girlfriend will appreciate that I am now considering a viewing of “The Notebook.”) Then, I read his post on the “25 Films that Scared the Crap Out of Me When I was a Kid” & began adding more flicks to the queues.
Whoa! That's a lot of movies!
Then, I started scrolling through his “Movie Reviews” section and found more to add. Now I’m subscribed to that section of his blog, and am sure I will be adding even more movies to my queue.
So, I sit here somewhat happy that I found Miller’s blog. He has a view & whit that I appreciate. But, at the same time, I am also lamenting this discovery as I wonder how the hell I am ever going to watch the 340 movies that are currently in the queues. Not to mention the various TV series that I follow!
Meh. For a Farrelly Brothers movie, I was really disappointed.
Some funny scenes, no doubt. Most of which were in the trailer. Drea commented that she got to see two gnarly dicks, and I got to see one set of nice tits (owned by this chick – whose eyes were nicer, for the record). So, that was a plus, I guess. But, was totally dialog driven… & much of it was just not funny.
I have high standards for the RI born & raised Brothers Farrelly. So, this was a complete let down. Boo.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that a few weekends ago, Drea & I had a fairly relaxing weekend hanging around Boston. This was partly planned, and partly because she wasn’t feeling so hot on Saturday. So, Saturday was spent lounging around her place.
On Sunday, we decided to hit up the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. I had not visited there since my sophomore year of high school. So, it was safe to say that I did not remember it, at all. And, I failed to do any reading about what is actually in the museum or it’s own history. The lack of research proved to be a bit of a mistake as it has a rich history of it’s own & that doesn’t even include the art theft of 1990.
Rembrandt Self Portrait
The entire museum is just beautifully done. And, to think that one person (and her purveyor) collected as much as she did, and arranged it in this way for our viewing pleasure, is quite astonishing. Besides the priceless art adorning the walls, there are sculptures everywhere. There are ordinary objects like water jugs, (but from ancient civilizations), books, and chairs in the mix. And, of course, there is her magnificent courtyard that the museum surrounds.
It wasn’t until I got to the “Dutch Room,” where several large frames remain empty did I remember the history of the theft. It was also in this room, that I Rembrandt’s self portrait caught my eye. I was really fixated on the way he painted the light & framed himself on the canvas. This feeling was further emphasized when we looked at the complimentary postcards we were given featuring various museum artworks. In the mix of cards, was a Rembrandt – it was unmistakeable. And, I knew I hadn’t seen it… and I knew that was improbable. This painting would have caught my eye… And, then I realized it… it was one of the ones that had been stolen. It was “Storm on the Sea of Galilee.” It was then that I felt deprived for not having been able to see that spectacular piece.
We did have a delightful visit to the museum & I am looking forward to going back. They are doing a bunch of construction in there currently, and building a new visitors’ center that should all be complete sometime in 2012. I may wait until then to go back. Maybe, I’ll drag along some kidlets.
Afterwards, Drea & I were craving some chowder so headed over to the Barking Crab. Yum! Great day with the girl.
Later that week, I streamed the documentary “Stolen” which discussed the robbery and subsequent search of the pieces that had been stolen. The art is priceless. The art hasn’t turned up which seems amazing. But, I guess if people can hide in plain sight (Whitey Bulger, Osama Bin Laden, etc), art can hide too. It was a fascinating documentary, and I’m holding out hope that the art will turn up. I would love to view it all. Especially the piece that everyone (those that know art) raves about as being the most valuable of all which is “The Concert,” by Vermeer.
A blog along. I’ve never “live blogged” anything. So, for some reason, on the first installment of the Bond re-watch, I decided to blog along while viewing. I can’t say it will be entertaining to anyone but me. But, here it is anyway.
#1 Dr. No – 1962 – starring Sean Connery – directed by Terence Young
———-
First sounds you hear, prior to the theme song… digital/computer/futuristic sounds
First song – three blind mice – Not a theme song – just a bridge song, leading to the three blind men walking together in Jamaica. They shoot a man that leaves the card table “the same time every night.” They then shoot a woman who was communicating with London identifying herself as W6N. Blood is pure red paint… Awesome. Three blind mice dig through files and pull out the “Dr No” folder. Flash to London – concerned about W6N breaking off mid-transmission.
First mention of “James Bond”… man looking to speak with him. Reveals casino – woman playing hard. First, “Bond. James Bond” moment. Bond takes a bunch of her money… and of course works out a future date so he can fuck the shit out of her.
"Bond. James Bond." - One of the most memorable lines in cinema. One of the classic shots.
Strangways revealed to be the agent that was knocked off in the first scene. M introduces the MacGuffin, which is the ability to knock rockets off course. (During the moon race, this is important.) M is pissed about James carrying a berretta. This seems odd. Q literally calls the gun “nice for a woman’s purse.” Gives him a new gun to carry.
No banter with Moneypenny because M, cuts it off – “Forget the usual repartee, 007 is in a hurry.” Given that this is the first movie, that comment seems strange. He does only have 3 hours to get his flight. But, given that his banter plays so heartily in future movies, to not have it here in the first movie is odd (particularly since they pointed it out).
Back at his hotel, he finds the woman he was playing cards with. Putting golfballs in his bedroom, dressed in one of his dress shirts. Flirty banter. He finds a way to squeeze in a quickie before his flight to Jamaica.
In Jamaica, there appear to be several shady people watching Bond. A driver, introduces himself saying he was assigned to pick him up. Bonds, phones the hotel he is headed to and confirms that they sent no car. Bond knowingly addresses the driver saying he isn’t in a rush, to “just take him for a ride.” They are followed. Bond instructs the driver off the road, and begins trying to figure out who he is and who sent him. The driver kills himself with cyanide before telling him anything. He says something as he is dying, but it’s unintelligable to me.
He checks out Strangways place. Sees a photo of Strangways with a local fisherman. ID’s him as the driver of the tail car. Also, grabs a receipt for geological tests.
In his hotel now, you see him setting the room with traps to see if anyone comes in while he is out. Fingerprint powder on his brief case. Hair on the closet door.
Firsherman ID’s as Quarrell by the men that had been playing cards with Strangways. Bond goes to meet him. Quarrel is evasive. Bond asks to charter his boat, and is denied. Quarrel leads him to a bar. Gets him to a backroom and pulls a knife on bonds. The other shady (agent looking guy) that had been with Quarrel at the airport appears and quickly identifies himself as CIA. (I never caught his name. He is just the CIA agent to me.)
Later that night, in the now busy bar there is a woman photographing Bond & CIA agent. They grab her and try to figure out who she is working for. She was also at the airport. She gives up nothing. Bond notes that one took cyanide, the other is threatened with a broken arm, and neither give up anything. They talk about Crab Key – offshore area. They realize that Strangways has been over there and had geologic samples tested. Dr. No (asian man) owns crab key and doesn’t allow anyone over there. Bond goes to the lab & they say it’s not geographically possible for the samples to have come from there.
Immediately cut to the lab man demanding a boat take him to Crab Key. The boat’s captain protests, says he knows the routine. The professor says that it’s important and he will take responsibility.
Crab Key appears very industrial. The lab professor is brought to a room with a sliding door. Funny to me that automated sliding doors are always used to convey a futuristic feel. Told to sit down on a chair by a voice over a PA system. They talk about Bond and that if Bond comes to the island, the voice will hold the professor responsible. He is then instructed to kill Bond with a large disgusting spider tonight.
Back at the hotel, Bond checks his closet door and doesn’t find the hair he had left. Fingerprints all over the brief case. He knows his room is compromised. Goes to pour liquor and thinks better of it. Cut to him sleeping. He wakes feeling something crawling on him. Sees the tarantula… which would be enough to kill me dead if I saw that fucker crawling on me. He lets it crawl up and off his body… once it is on the pillow, he hops out of bed, and kills it with his shoe (all to some great symphonic sounds).
Banter with Strangways contact. He has a pretty Asian secretary. Bond catches her listening at the keyhole and asks her to show him around the island. In the meantime, Bond checks Quarrels’ boat and finds radioactive readings due to Strangways rocks. Asks Quarrel to take him over – he protests citing a dragon. But, then agrees to take him over tonight.
Bond goes to meet the Asian chick. Enroute, he is chased up a mountain road. Large car is bumping his Astin Martin? up the road, and then loses control over the side of a cliff in a firey mess. Asian chick is naturally surprised to see Bond when he arrives. She is in a slip. Bond steals a kiss, and rather aggressively. Her phone begins ringing. She talks to someone about Bonds being there and says she’ll try to keep him there for a couple of hours. Bond hears her. Sits down and begins undressing her. Might as well get some action since she is clearly working with someone attempting to kill him. They fuck. After, he says he is hungry & suggests going out for some dinner. She is determined to keep him there. Bond phones a taxi – but, goes for round 2. Except, he didn’t call a taxi. He called for a car to pick her up, so he could check her place and presumably wait for who is going to try to kill him.
Inside, he pours a couple of drinks and begins setting the place up. Radio is on. Leaves “half-drunk” glasses on the table. Makes it look like someone is sleeping in the bed. Sits… and waits. The professor shows up and puts 6 bullets into the bed. The professor was one of the card players & had commented on the “new secretary” – the Asian chick. The professor never gives up any info before Bonds puts a couple of bullets into him.
Nice Shells, Honey Rider
To the boat launch – and Bond & Quarrel head to Crab Key. Quarrel is drinking rum heavily because he is scared. They lie down for some sleep before the sun rises, in the undeveloped side of the island. When he awakes, there is a vision of beauty, singing and emerging from the water in quite the bikini. She has shells and carries a big knife. She identifies herself as Honey Rider. Conversation about her sailing in and tripping the radar. High speed boat comes & fires on them. Quarrel and Honey begin talking about the dragon. Honey claims to have seen it. James tells Honey to get out of there. She says she is not leaving in daylight. He forces her, but machine gun fire pierced her boat. She is stuck with them. But, knows of a place to hide.
Cutting through a river to throw the search party dogs off the scent. They begin using reeds to breathe while under water. (I so want a reason to do this someday.) The search party does not see them, of course. Most of them anyway. There is a straggler with a gun still hunting them. But James gets the drop on him. Kills him to Honey’s horror.
They go on to a hiding spot. Quarrel notices “dragon tracks.” He takes “guard.” Honey & James have a heart-to-heart and she reveals that she killed a man that raped her back in the day. With a black widow spider. Quarrels has spotted the dragon. They go see it & it’s quite clearly a truck with a flame thrower. They shoot at “the dragon.” But, Quarrel gets incinerated. They handcuff James and knock him out. The dragon operators are in nuclear protective suits. They take geiger readings and determine James & Honey to be “contaminated.” They begin the sexy decontamination process which involves nakedness, a fun moving walkway, and shower heads (coming to Disney next year).
Two Asian ladies greet them saying they were expecting them. Trying to treat them to the best hospitality. She invites them to dinner with Dr. No that evening. The room is well appointed. They have new clothes waiting for them. But, the doors are metal & there are no door knobs. They drink some tea which is drugged. Honey passes out first. Bond collapses in a heap on the floor.
Darkness… man with bad white shoes walks in and finds Bond in bed. How did he get there? He has big black gloves. They almost look metallic. Lots of topless shots of Honey… regrettably, only from behind. The perky pointy bra craze captures the rest of the scene. Damned that style made tits fucking pure weapons. Seriously, someone could lose an eye!
Time to meet Dr. No for dinner. They take an elevator to a large room built into the rocks. There is a giant aquarium window. Dr. No appears. Says he would shake hands, but can’t because of an unfortunate accident. Apparently, they are metal.
Dr. No reviews his background – and is the wonderful inspiration for Dr. Evil’s Speech in Austin Powers. (Hell, Dr. Evil is very much a tribute to Dr. No.) Banter between Dr. No & Bond. Dr. No supposedly knows everything Bonds has been up to since arriving in Kingston. Dr. No offers to tell him what his deal really is. Introduces SPECTRE. Toppling American missles is just the start.
Bond taunts him with “World Domination. The same old dream.” Dr. No says he thought Bond was different & that there might even be a role for him in SPECTRE. But, says he is just a stupid cop. Dr. No leaves while his goons start beating on 007.
Inside a real prison cell now. No more nice accomodations. There is an air vent whose surface is not only electrified, but it seems to explode at the touch. Apparenlty only to human touch though. He beats it open with his shoe with no problem. In the air vents, we are back to the futuristic/digital/computerish sounds we heard at the start of the movie. Bond does a poor job of navigating the vents as he falls. It’s now hot to the touch. Apparently, this was not an air vent. As, a rush of water comes flooding through the vent… which leads to a lot of steam.
Dr. No in his radiation suit
He gets out & jumps a guy with a chemical suit. Goes to the control room. There is a man turning a dial underneath the sign “danger Level.” Seems like an odd wheel to be turning. Dr. No has the best suit in the place. It’s got a giant clear helmet. They are just about ready to try to topple an american missle.
Bond begins trying to sabotage Dr. No’s mission. Turns the Danger Level wheel up as high as possible. Dr. No and 007 begin fighting. They fight over the cooling pool. Dr. No gets sucked into it. His hand is seen grabbing at the steel beam as he presumably drowns in a radioactive pool. Anti-climactic fight for sure. Alarms are sounding to abandon the area. 007 goes looking for Honey. She is shackled to a ramp with water flowing nearby. No fucking clue what that was.
They are running trying to get to a boat to get off Crab Key. They find one. Knock off two people and motor on off as the island explodes. They run out of gas & Bond decides the only sensible thing to do is to get busy with Honey.
CIA man shows up at an inopportune time… Don’t be interrupting the lead in to coitus. Jeesh! But, offers to tow Bond & Honey in. Soon after, Bond releases the tow rope so he can finish what they started. Movie ends as they make out in the boat floating alone.
———–
So, there is the first movie of the franchise. Seems funny that the title character looms so large over the plot line, but has very little screen time, and gets killed so “easily.” Why is the head honcho getting into fisticuffs with Bond w/o ordering his goons to kill him first?
But, I’m hooked. Definitely a great movie, and I can’t wait for the next installment.
Bond Score Rating +3 (Kind of like the hockey +/- ratio. But, in this case, just the number of women he scored with)
The Scenic Drive 